Lincoln Liners and Ivan-Isms May and June

My kids are not getting less funny, I've just been really bad at writing things down lately. So I combined two months. Here ya go:

Lincoln Liners


Lincoln and I were walking to church. L: "So Mom, do you like camels?" 
Me, not really paying 100% attention to the conversation: "Ya."
L after a thoughtful pause: "Well, do you like scorpians?" 
Me: "Ya." Then realizing what I just said, "Oh, well, not really. Not live ones."
L: "Just pretend ones?"
Me: "Ya, sure."
L: "Ok. I think I'm gonna be a scorpian, just a pretend one."

"Look at my thumb, it's kind of girlish."

"But I can't, I'm just a little tiny kid!"

Me: "Did you have fun at Sam's?"
L: "Ya."
Me: "What did you do?"
L: "Mom, you saw what I do."

L: "Mom, can Asher (my nephew, who we were watching) stay for a long time?"
Me: "He has to go home with his Mommy and Daddy, they would miss him.
L: "They could have Adelia."
Me: "But wouldn't you miss your sister?"
L: "No. I just want a boy."

Asher was in the car with us, L: "Look Mom! Our van is full of Swans!"

L: "Mom, can I tell the thunder my name?"
Me: "Sure?"
L: "Um, Thunder, my name is Lincoln Aaron Swan....Mom, can you tell the thunder you're name?"
Me: "My name is Mommy Swan."
L: "Dad, can you tell the thunder your name?"
A: "My name is Aaron Swan."
L: "Ivan, tell the thunder your name."
I: "Ivan Erastus Swan."
L: "Thunder, my brother's name is Ivan Erastus Swan. I don't think he can hear us."

"Help Mom! I'm stuck in a girl trap!"

"Mom, I wish we could have a fish. A normal fish."

L: "Mom, does the rain go into the ocean and make it deeper?"
Me: "Yes."
L: "I never knew that before. It's what I was just thinking about."

L: "Mom, what's your favorite planet?"
Me: "Um, I like Earth pretty well, what's yours?"
L: "My favorite planet has a yellow ring around it."
Me: "Saturn?"
L: "No, the other one."
Me: "Neptune?"
L: "Yup. Neptune is my favorite planet."

"I have a tear coming out of my face, and I want to drop it right in my soup."

"I'm not afraid of you, I'm just a nice kid."

"Mom, I'm tougher than rain."

"Mom can I wear my sandal and my regular shoe? Can I do it funny?"

"Mom, I would just like Ivan to get off of the top of me so I can jump on my bed again." (He was referring to the bunk beds.)

L: "Mom, you're kind of like a daughter, did you know that? Because you are a girl, you are a daughter."
Me: "Yes. You're right."
L: "So, you're kind of like my daughter."
Me: "Nope. I'm your mother."
L: "Well, just PRETEND you're my daughter."

"Mom, your girl feet are turning into white. And then you're gonna be a boy!" (He was looking at my chipped toenail polish.)

"What would happen if our eyes didn't have any wet in them? Would they fall out? If they did, I would scoop them up and take them up to the bathtub and put the wet back in and pop them in my head....What would happen if our ears got cut off?"

"Just look at all these wonderful, beautiful, pieces of pocket bread!"


Ivan-Isms


I love cameras and new diapers."

"Oh, I live on Earth, and Lincoln does and Daddy does and Delia does."

Every time I drain the bathtub, I: "The water's going down, it's going down!" I'm sure that's from Nemo.

Me: "Ivan, what should we have for dinner?"
I: "Adelia Mae Swan."

"Oh no! A big monster's coming and it's gonna eat us up for supper! Get in the cave!"

Me: "Ivan why are you crying?"
I: "I don't know!"