Mother's Day 2015

Mothering isn't something that comes naturally for me. It's something that I have to work really hard at. It challenges me more than anything I have ever tried before. I know what you're thinking, you're thinking about all the projects I post, and all the learning activities I do with my kids, and you're thinking, "Mothering comes easy for you." But you're mistaking mothering for teaching. I am a good teacher. Teaching comes naturally; a talent that I've been given. But teaching is not mothering. Mothering is so much more than science experiments and art projects. The stuff that's hard for me? Nurture. Patience. Staying home all the time. Setting aside my time/goals/ambitions/talents/etc. to pull out again at some future date when the time and season changes. That's hard for me.

Parenting with a purpose is hard for me. I don't really have a game plan. I'm kind of flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants all the time. I have a hard time coming up with consequences that are meaningful, with chore charts that teach responsibility, sticking with a schedule to help them prioritize. I'm not very good at kissing owies and sympathizing; I take more of a 'buck-up buttercup' approach. I'm not as smart as Aaron, and I suck at make-believe. (Remember how we don't do Santa at our house?) I'm not patient. I mostly don't like to snuggle.

But loving these 5 monkeys is as natural as breathing, and makes all the effort of trying to be a good mom worth it. A lot of the time I get discouraged, but their unconditional love is something to behold indeed. No matter how many times I do a bad job of being their mom, they still love me. They forgive and forget. And each one of them, in their own little way, knows how to melt my heart.They give me the motivation to try again and again when I fail. For them, I can do hard things. I'm grateful for love, because it makes motherhood meaningful to me, and worth doing.

I had a great Mother's Day this year.

Sometimes I dread Mother's Day...it's hard sometimes to fight off that feeling of entitlement, (i.e. It's Mother's Day, I shouldn't have to change any poopy diapers. It's Mother's Day I deserve a nap. It's Mother's Day could I just have five freaking minutes to myself! I don't want to mother on Mother's Day, I want the day off.) and then the resentment when life doesn't acquiesce to your request. And then of course, the guilt for feeling resentful and entitled in the first place. Sometimes it would be easier if their was no such thing as Mother's Day. I'm sure Aaron agrees. ;)

But this year it was great. My kids were cute, and made a fuss about breakfast and making cards. They gave me a flower for my pot in the window. We still had to wrestle them through church. Aaron still had to stay after to do tithing. (But he was super fast!) I didn't get a nap. I did get spit up on, and Ruby did wake me up at 5am. So I don't know that it was any different than your typical Mother's Day, but I was at peace with it. It was a beautiful sunny day, my favorite mountains were spring green from yesterday's rain, and as I stood outside looking at them I felt happy and content.