I enjoyed Easter Sunday. We were at my mom's and so were Kyle and Kelsey and Steph and Kirk. We all went together to my mom's ward. That means, there were lots of extra adults for my kids to go back and forth between, and I actually got to listen quite a bit to the messages that were shared.
I love going back to my mom's ward. It's the ward I grew up in for 18 years, and so many of the people who had a part in raising me are still there. Lots of my YW leaders, Sunday school and primary teachers, bishops, neighbors, parents of friends, and friends. I love to visit with them and remember how each one of them touched my life in some way. I know a lot of them worried about me as a teenager and wondered if I'd ever get a clue and grow up. I hope that when they see me come to visit with my husband and family, that they remember that they had influences here and there on who I turned out to be. And that it's largely due to them as a whole, not to mention my amazing parents who also played a big part (obviously), that taught me the things I needed to know, so that in the long run, I could make good choices, and end up sealed to a wonderful husband and three terrific kids. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I'd say I'm doing all right. It really does take a village to raise a child, and Hooper did me well. I think about this every time I go back for a visit.
In Sunday School the lesson was about Enos. Kerry taught and did a great job. The first thought I had during the lesson, was that you never read the scriptures the same way twice. It's not possible. You can read the same stories, and the same versus, but every time you do, you are approaching it in a different frame of mind. You are in a different place in your life, than you were the last time you read it. Different things are happening to you, different emotions, different struggles, different needs, etc. Maybe you've gained a lot more knowledge since the last time you read a particular part, and that knowledge adds a unique insight. Maybe you have a new perspective, for whatever reason. But I think this is good. I think this is why we are counseled to read the scriptures daily, because even if we read it cover to cover a million and one times, it's a different book with every reading, because we are different people. What a blessing.
My friend Dawn gave a good lesson in Relief Society too. We went over the crucifixion, and as we read different scriptures we picked out all the different things that Christ suffered and she put them up on the bored. Words like: scourged, mocked, beaten, betrayed, denied, and so forth. And as I looked at the board, I thought, we suffer some of those same things in our lives, not to the extent that Christ did, but I can think of times that I was betrayed or mocked, for example. But Christ knows all of our hurts, physical or emotional, because he went through it all for us. And at the end of it all Christ forgave, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Every since General Conference, Elder Uchtdorf's Stop it! talk has been going through my head, and I realize I need to be more forgiving and let things go. Not big things, I'm not currently in a feud with anyone, and there is no one I can think of who I a not on speaking terms with...but little grudges. I need to forgive and let go. Our landlords, that's the biggest one that's coming to mind, it's not the only one, but we'll use it here for example's sake. The fact that I'm angry and frustrated at them does nothing to them. But it eats me, if I let it. And being angry isn't changing a darn thing...let it go! I can, and it feels good. Christ suffered too, he knows how I feel. The people that spit on him and the guards who thrust the spear into his side, never came back to say sorry, or to help him wipe the spit of his face, or offer him a band aide. Nope. But he forgave them too.
During Dawn's lesson she made a passing comment that Christ doesn't judge us, and isn't angry with us, doesn't hold it against us in any way, the part of the atonement that he paid for us personally. He doesn't say, "Krystal you caused me this many drops of blood, and so you are not as much loved by me as some others who caused me less pain." Not at all. He loves us all equally. He values all our lives the same. I'd never really thought about this before. After thinking about it for some time, I think I can understand this, a least a sliver, because I am a mother. Often, I find myself relating my relationship to my Heavenly Father and Christ, to that I have as a mother of children. It's the only way I know to catch a small amount of understanding. More specifically, relating to this train of thought, I have been pregnant 3 times. All my pregnancies have been relatively easy compared to some, but let's face it, pregnancy is never a walk in the park. I don't love Lincoln more because I got to take naps and rest a lot during my pregnancy with him. And I don't love Adelia less because my back hurt continually and I was an emotional roller coaster during my pregnancy with her. And I don't love Ivan less because I was in labor with him the longest. I love all of my children the same. I would go through the same aches and pains I went through the first time, again, in order that they could be here on this earth as my children. And really, when I think about, even their behavior since they've been here doesn't effect my love for them. They all three are equally angels and demons on any given occasion. Their behavior might change the way I interact with them, or what privileges I allow them to have, but it doesn't change the love I have for them. Maybe this analogy is a poor one to describe my relationship with my Savior, but it's what I've got.
These are my thoughts this Easter day 2012. I am grateful for my Savior and his understanding of me and his patience with me. I'm grateful for his love. I'm grateful for the beautiful music that always seems to touch my heart more directly than any words ever could. I am grateful for bits of understanding that come pieces at a time. I am thankful for the warm sunshine, and being together with family members. I know that Heavenly Father gave us all these things because he loves us. So this Sunday, I'm writing this feeling loved, and blessed, and full.
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