Aaron's 33rd

Tonight we celebrated Aaron (and Kelly), even though his birthday isn’t until Wednesday. 

Typically, Aaron’s mom throws one party that everyone on Aaron’s side comes to, then I throw a party with just our kids on Aaron’s actual birthday, and then another night we double date with Kelly and Esther instead of Aaron and Kelly swapping presents. 

It’s a lot of parties, (I won’t get in to how ridiculous I think it is that we have so many) and it causes a little bit of stress every year, but this year (with Thanksgiving the same week, and then Ruby’s Birthday, and Aaron’s two week work trip to Honduras looming in the distance) the stress was too much. Overwhelm set in and I couldn’t cope. To simplify, we gave Aaron his presents at his mom’s party, and that was it. I didn’t do a party with our kids, and we postponed our date with Kelly and Esther until after Aaron’s trip. I’m used to being able to shoulder a lot of stuff, but I’m no Atlas, and eventually even I crack. But I loath it when I do. 

Sorry for that mini venting session. I just feel like Aaron’s birthday was only sub-par this year, and that it was mostly my fault because I should have insisted that since we only had time for one party it should have been the party thrown by the kids and I on his actual birthday. That’s the most important party.  Not that the party his mom did was bad or anything. The food was good, everyone had fun. But I contributed zero, except for a very poorly made apple crisp. Whoopty-do. 

I’m starting to notice something about myself: I don’t take failure very graciously. And maybe Heavenly Father is telling me it’s something I need to work on, because I seem to be failing at an awful lot these days. 

I’m so tired. I know we’re in “a phase” and that we’ll get through it, just like we always have. My youngest 4 children will sleep through the night eventually, right?  But I feel like all my emotions have been used up and I’m just running on exhaustion and anger. I’m too tired to do anything and it makes me mad. And that’s all I have to work with. Exhaustion and anger, folks.