My Kids Are Even Funnier

I haven't posted any kid quotes for a long time. I've been saving them up in my phone. Here they are for your enjoyment:

"It's like I have a pink body...with ruffley bumps." -Adelia

"Too bad we can't put our heads inside our bodies." -Ivan

"It's not ordinary to freak out." -Adelia

Del: "Mom dad is bigger than you. "

Me: "You're right, Dad is taller than me."

Del: "He's a whole head bigger than you!"

Me: "No, not a whole head, only a half head."

Del: "Oh. Well, let's call him Half Head. "

"Oh, how we long for a tree house."-Lincoln 

"But, well, I'm sort of alone when I'm not with anybody." -Del

Me:" Ok guys time to start school. "

Ivan: "Mom, can I finish killing the enemy solar system?"

"Mom, I guess Wilbur is a pig and a Wright brother." -Ivan 

I'm not a smarty pants! I don't have smarts on my pants!"-Adelia

Adelia went behind the couch and started throwing out all sorts of toys that were behind it. When she was done she came out and said, "There. Now all of Ollie's toys are free and in the wild."

"Don't let Del know about that, she"ll be shrieking mad" -Linc

Me: "Ivan did you eat all of my M&Ms?"

Ivan: "Yes, but let's talk about something else."

"Mom, when I grow up I want to be the church's piano player. " -Ivan 

Lincoln talking to himself while playing pirates, "I'll just put a few diamonds about the deck." 

Adelia singing her version of My Heavenly Father Loves Me, "He gave me my body, my mind, my heart. I'll thank him for three years...."

"Mom, didn't you see a glimpse of me?" -Adelia

We were sitting around the dinner table, everyone was finished except Lincoln. Me: "Last one to get their jammies on is a rotten egg!" Ivan: "How about a rotten noodle?" Lincoln: "How about a rotten log, then it could just go into the ground and be food for other plants. That way when I'm last I'll still be good." 

Aaron: "Adelia, you need to be lotioned."

Del: "I don't want that lotion it's baby lotion."

Aaron: "this lotion is just fine it's almost the same as the other lotion."

Del: I want lotion for humans. 

Aaron : this is lotion for humans. 

Del: no it's not, that's lotion for Oliver. 

Aaron: Oliver is a human. 

Del: Oliver's not human, he's a baby. 

Linc: Mom if you have a nightmare you can come get me and I'll help you not be scared. 

Me: thanks Linc. 

Linc: But you might not have a nightmare, but your room's pretty messy, so you probably will have a nightmare. If you do, come get me. 

Del: I'm giving this beetle some more death. He probably won't be very happy about it when he's dead. 

Ivan: I call myself Forgets. 

Ivan: Ants are the most boringest creatures God ever made."

Me: Then I'll just use this spoon to scrape out the rest of the chocolate. 

Adelia: you mean spatula, you're using a spatula to get it out, not a spoon. 

Adelia: "Dad, I just want a snack, something that tastes good, and is yummy, and is not good for me."

Aaron: "Del do you want a cookie?"

Del: "Ya, I want a cookie."

Adelia, handing Aaron two my-little-ponies: "Here Dad, one of these is for you and the other is for your mateys at work."

Aaron let Lincoln read a page online about motors. Lincoln: "Wow Dad, did you know they have AC motors and DC motors?"

Aaron: "Yeah."

Lincoln: "So are AC the motors they had before Christ, and DC the motors they had after Christ?"

"It's just like mom to get done with a dentist appointment and then go straight over and get a Pepsi." -Ivan

Me: Del did you know you had swimming today?

Del: No! That's impressive!

Del: Oh, how foolish I have been! I didn't know where the list was and that was very foolish. 

Del: I'm not funny! I'm just a little girl who doesn't know what to do to carve a pumpkin. 

Del: Mom, you've got to watch this, it's completely legal. 

Lincoln: what's that guy's costume?

Aaron: he's wearing a HAZMAT suit. 

Lincoln: What do HAZMATS do?

Adelia: I want the one in the middle. 

Me: You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. 

Adelia: Right, but I AM going to throw a fit if you don't give me the middle one. 

"I eat missiles...for breakfast." -Del

"Dad! Look! You can see my carbon dioxide! You know? My air!" -Del

"Dad, someday when a giraffe goes by, let's catch it with a rope so we can see how tall it is." -Del

"And what do the toy buckets go in? Cubbys! Isn't that a funny word for buckets to go in." -Del

"Mom, I was just kidding when I said you were going to get old and die. You've lasted a very long time so far. Ever since you were a baby!"-Del

"It's bad guys vs. ponies. Do you who's going to win? The ponies. Because I'm pretending that they have a venomous bite." -Del

"Mom, tell me about the things you did in the old days." -Del

"Mom, I get tired of telling you what goes on in preschool." -Del

"Mom! We don't want to listen to love songs!" -Ivan (The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson was on the radio.)