For starters, does anyone know how to get acrylic paint out of carpet? Secondly, would anyone like to adopt my lovely, energetic almost-two-year-old daughter for about a year and then send her back? I'm pretty sure I can't go through the terrible twos again and come out with my sanity intact. Somehow today, in about .5 seconds, she managed to get into a child locked cabinet and dump a bunch of bright yellow craft paint all over herself, the cabinet, and the carpet. Joy. Other criminal charges being held against her in the last couple of weeks: dumping an entire bottle of baby bubble bath on her bedroom carpet; covering her entire body in lotion; dumping out a full mop bucket; and my personal most-disgusting-clean-up-ever finger painting all over her bedroom walls in poop. Super. And she's not even two yet.
I'm having a grumpy week. I don't know why. I've been having a really rough time being patient with my kids and my husband. I'm also feeling extremely unmotivated. I hate weeks like this. I go through them every now and again. I'm having a hard time shaking this one. I'm just grumpy!
I want to write, because sometimes that helps get the stress out of me; relieving stress tends to make me less grumpy. But I don't know what to write about. I am hoping if I just start typing, then things will start tumbling out. We'll see.
I like to use my blog as a type of journal. But the only problem with this type of journal is that it's extremely open. So when I need/want to write about something more private I don't feel like I can here, because I can't sensor who reads it. And I've become really deterred from physically writing in a journal, because it takes up so much more time than typing does, and I can't write my thoughts as fast as my brain can express them. And it makes my hand hurt.
So I guess we'll put it this way: I'm feeling stress and pressure and I'm not sure what I can do about it. I'm not even exactly sure why I feel stress and pressure, just that I do. I'm also feeling overwhelmingly unorganized. I've been blaming it on summer, but I'm not 100% convinced. I feel like I need to drop things from our schedule because I feel frantic all the time, and like I am always chaotically running from point A to point B to point C with no real strategy for the best, most efficient way to go about it. A random example: I'll find that I have 30 minutes between two activities, and decide I can squeeze in a much-needed trip to the grocery store. When I get to the store, I have no list, and only a vague idea of what I even need. I end up making poor choices and spending too much money on what I bought, only to realize when I go to make dinner later, that there is still nothing to eat in the whole house that can be called dinner.
The reason we run around like crazy people is fairly simple. I try to create lots of opportunities for my kids to socialize with other kids, I try to give them experiences that will be educational, and I try to give them a chance to be outside. So we spend time participating with our home school group in their activities, lots of time staying in touch with friends from different places that we've lived, time at parks or in the mountains, time with our family who lives close, time at places like the zoo or the aquarium etc. I can't figure out what needs to go because everything seems important.
I am also feeling an intense longing for a little bit of freedom. I love my children dearly, but they are stifling. I spend pretty much, 24/7 with them all day every day. If there is a big project or goal that I need or want to get done, I have to figure out a way to do it with the children in tow. If Aaron gets a call to, say, help someone move, or put in a sprinkler line, or go give a blessing, etc. He gets to go off and do it and leave the kids with me. If I get a call to take someone dinner, or watch someone's kids, I end up trying to cook two dinners with three children pulling on my legs, or watching more children on top of my three. I am a mommy every night, every weekends, and all holidays, as well as the regular 9-5, and I do not get a 15 minute break for every 4 hours that I work, nor do I get a lunch break. I'm not trying to infer that Aaron doesn't work hard; he does. He's a good dad, a good husband, and a good engineer. What I'm trying to point out is that he gets to break up his day a little. He wakes up and works on Ryan's website in the mornings; then switches gears and goes to work; then switches gears again and comes home to be daddy and husband. He gets to change mind set at least 3 times during his day. I'm just in perpetual mommy-mode. Which isn't always a bad thing, it's just an always thing.
5 comments:
My comment here is bound to be lengthy.
I feel exactly the same way you do about so many things. Lately I have been feeling like there is no break in my life. I am always +3 for everything. If I have anywhere to go, it's me +3. If I need to do something, I've always got 3 helpers. Casey has been working on our house and yard, and he just gets to run to home depot or stop by the plumbing store after work and it's never like he has to worry what will be of the children. If I ever want to go to the craft store or anywhere, I either have to work around Casey's schedule, or find someone else to watch them, or usually I just always have them with me all the time. It's exhausting.
And I am totally with you on the grocery store thing. I know that we need groceries, but I always forget a list, which means I come home with crap or else nothing, and then I feel even more stressed making dinner!
I don't know about you, but I feel like I'm losing my identity a little. I'm not Natalie anymore, I'm mom. It's who I am now. People always say, "take a break" or ,"have a girls' night." but planning any time for me to be away is stressful to work out watching kids, and then cleaning up and catching up on everything that I should have been doing instead of relaxing makes it totally not worth it.
Anyway, I'm with you, sister. I know how you feel, which probably doesn't help. But at least you aren't alone.
And poop paintings? Seriously gross.
I don't know if this is something that you would like, but I can take your kids for a few hours on Monday if you want to just regroup. I'm serious on that count! I hope you get feeling better! We've missed you this last week!
-Wynter
I can totally relate. We have had a ton of stuff to do around this house to make it habitable. I feel like I am running around crazy all day long trying to get it all done and keep the children fed, relatively clean and happy. Usually one of those things is neglected. I can't even tell you how many times Jordan has started getting fussy and I realize that I haven't fed him in hours. I feel like all of the cleaning and inside stuff has been my responsibility. Phil has so much to do on his days off, trying to get the yard in better shape, that he is busy the whole day long. He somehow gets to do all of his work without the children hanging around, while all of my inside work has to be done with two little ankle biters. It makes me feel like my work is less important and less of a priority. It's very discouraging to feel like what you spend all of your time doing is less important than what your spouse does. I know that's not how he sees it. He is so busy in the week that he is frantically trying to get his home work done and can do it faster without the kids. I just wish that I could occasionally get my stuff done quickly as well. I feel like I am busy all day long and don't even get a chance to sit down, and yet I don't get anything accomplished. All I can say is that being a mom is hard. I know you and know that you are a great mom. It's okay to have off weeks. Don't beat yourself up about it. Your children love you and you are doing a great job raising them. I really miss being able to vent to each other every day.
-Misty
I know how you feel! On weeks that I am feeling like this I let myself have a down day or two, when we don't do much. The laundry might not get done and the tv might be on all day, and that's ok. Don't worry about having an off week, they happen. Remember, you are a good mom and you have great kids!
And you are a good Krystal, friend, blogger, home school teacher, reader, with an interest in English!
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