Soap Box

I'm sorry to have to say it, but people bug the hell out of me sometimes.

Example, I'm listening to two women have a conversation about their teenage sons who will be graduating from high school this year. These women don't not know each other very well. I don't know either woman very well either, but well enough to know that Woman A's son has applied and been accepted to 5 different colleges and has scholarship offers to several of them. He also has his mission call, and pretty much has everything planned out for his immediate future. On the other hand Woman B's son isn't sure what he wants to do after graduation, hasn't applied anywhere, hasn't put in mission papers, etc. And his family is concerned for him and don't know how to encourage him make plans for his future without pushing him away.

So Woman A asks Woman B: How's your son? What's he doing after graduation?

You can see Woman B square her shoulders as if preparing for something unpleasant, you can tell by her body language that this has been a touchy subject, and recently. She replies: He doesn't really know what he wants to do yet. He might keep working, or he might go to school.

Woman A: Where has he applied to?

Woman B: Well, no where yet.

Woman A: He's putting his mission papers in first, then?

Woman B, who, by the look in her eyes is wanting this conversation over, and pronto: Well, we hope so, but he hasn't really decided about that either.

Woman B kind of trails off. She does NOT ask Woman A about her son. And that's the kicker.

Because now Woman A has a choice here, she can keep her trap shut about her own son, and say something comforting to this woman who is obviously uncomfortable and trying not to show her own distress about her son's choices, something like, Oh I'm sure he'll come around, kids always do. Or, Hang in there being a Mom is such an emotional roller-coaster isn't it? Darn that agency! Or something, right? Or in the very least change the subject? Maybe?

But no...Woman A plows ahead, with a smug look, and coyly says "Well, MY son....." A proceeds to go into great depths about all the various scholarship offers, college acceptances, mission call, and future plans. While Woman B smiles hollowly and nods politely while glancing around for an escape route.

If you were Woman B, how are you going to feel listening to Woman A gloat over you? Like garbage, most likely. Yet Woman A does it anyway. I don't know if it was intentional, I don't know the woman that well, but it felt like it. It felt like the reason she started the conversation in the first place was because she was bursting to express to the universe how proud she is of her son.....And there really isn't anything wrong with that. I'm a proud parent, I admit it, and often. But the WAY she did it, and the way she didn't stop doing it once she knew Woman B was having a rough go in this particular area.

This is why people bug me! Why do we do this to each other? Is it so important to put yourself up a notch that you have to step on someone else to do it?

Okay, I'll get off my soap box. I'm sure I've put people down without meaning to. But hearing this conversation just made me want to try really hard to be more aware of people and how they might be feeling.