I am so incredibly happy to announce that Oliver is here! We didn't really expect him to make his debut in February (two weeks before his due date), but he's healthy and whole and I am ever so glad not to be pregnant anymore, so we will take it! The birth of each one of my children is such a significant moment in my life, so I try to record as much of the process, and my thoughts during that time as possible. (
Lincoln,
Ivan,
Adelia) Be aware that the post might contain words like uterus, contraction, blood, etc. and read at your own discretion.
*Also, the pictures are not in order, other wise they would have all been at the bottom of the post. I wanted to spread them out and break up the text a little.*
I should know by now that every labor and delivery is so different from the next, that I shouldn't look for the same signs to mean it's beginning, or anticipate them being the same. But, I guess since I never know what to expect, I fall back on the experiences I've had before. This always throws me for a loop. And once again, I'm writing a birth story that is as unique to me as this beautiful little boy in my arms.
On Thursday, February 21st I went in to my doctor's appointment, not quite 38 weeks along, and discouraged with the way my body was handling the pregnancy both physically and emotionally. I wanted to get things moving, but knew that chances were unlikely and that I'd probably be pregnant at least another week, if not more. Dr. Anderson offered to strip my membranes, explaining that stripping the membranes causes the body to create a hormone that it creates naturally as one of the last preparations before going into labor. So, if the baby is ready to come out, stripping the membranes can help get the process started. If baby is not ready to come out, nothing much happens. He opted to strip my membranes gently this visit, and then more aggressively the next week if need be. I agreed.
About an hour after I left the appointment I started to feel kind of nauseated and weird. We were at Aaron's mom's house having dinner, and I had to go lie down in the back bedroom. I started having mild contractions, nothing painful, and not super regular but within ten minutes of each other every time. I've never had contractions and not gone into labor before, so I assumed this was it, but wasn't sure enough to really decide one way or another. We went home and I layed down in bed. Contractions lasted for three hours, but never got stronger, although until the very end when they petered out, the stayed no longer than ten minutes apart.
That was Thursday. On Friday I don't remember having any contractions, which was nice, since it was my birthday. But Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, at random times I'd have little spurts of contractions. I call them contractions and not Braxton Hicks, because they were stronger than any Braxton Hicks I've had before and lasted a lot longer and were semi-regularish, just not painful or regular enough. I was starting to feel really uneasy and tense, because I didn't know what was happening with my body. I'd never had contractions like this that came and went for days. And I was starting to panic that at any moment of the day I would suddenly find myself in very intense labor, with no time to get a hold of Aaron, find someone to take my older kids, and make it to the hospital in Payson (which is 20 minutes from my house) before the baby was born. Panic really is a good word for how I felt, terrified is another. I felt like I was walking around with the knowledge that a volcano would erupt, but having no idea when it would be or how to be prepared for that moment.
Tuesday came, and I felt pretty good in the morning, and even accomplished a few things on my to-do-before-Oliver-gets-here list. But by lunch time, I felt awful. It's a strange sensation to describe...queasy but not like you're going to throw-up, dizzy but not like you're going to fall down. I cancelled the play date I'd scheduled for the kids, and took a short nap instead. I didn't feel any better when I woke up. I texted Aaron at work and told him I felt weird and to be on-call just in case. I made it through the afternoon, and Aaron came home from work as usual. I layed on the couch while he made dinner, and we ate. Aaron went home teaching, and I put the kids to bed, still feeling weird. Weird is the best word I could come up with to describe the feeling. Aaron came home, and I was sitting in the papasan chair in our bedroom. I'd started to have mild, not super regular contractions while he was gone home teaching, but I'd been doing that for days, so it wasn't anything I was getting really excited about. I mentioned the contractions to Aaron. He wanted to know if he should have his dad come over, and the two of them could work on computer stuff for the evening, and if my contractions turned into anything worth taking action over, then Chuck would already be here and we wouldn't have to worry about waiting for someone to come over and stay with the kids, we could just leave and go to the hospital. This sounded like a good idea to me. So Aaron called and made the arrangements.
While we waited for Chuck, we decided that even if this wasn't it, we should probably get things rounded up and ready to go. We put our hospital bag, and the baby car seat in the van. I made sure we had the camera and it's cord, and my photo ID. We cleared dinner off the table, etc. And suddenly it occurred to me that I had a need to keep moving. There was a tingly energy inside of me that required I stay in motion. I remembered having a similar feeling after my water broke with Adelia and I was still waiting for the contractions to start. Did that mean this was the real thing? I had no idea. My contractions were about 4 minutes apart but not painful. The more I thought about the 20 minute drive separating me from Payson hospital, the more anxious I became that at any moment I was going to burst into full-fledged labor, and not have time to do anything but deliver a baby in my family room. By the time Aaron's dad got there, I was convinced I wanted to go to the hospital, even if it was just so they could tell me that nothing was happening. The unknown was turning me into a crazy person.
Aaron and I got in the car and started the drive. I don't think either of us really expected to stay at the hospital. And Aaron told me later that he was just preparing himself to try and comfort me when they told us to go home. When we got to the hospital, we had to check in at the ER desk because it was after hours. Contractions were still four minutes apart and not painful. I still had to pace back and forth in front of the check in desk while Aaron answered the receptionist's questions and got me checked in. Then we went upstairs to Labor and Delivery.
I told the lady there that I was having contractions. She asked, "When is your due date?"
"March 13th."
"And on a scale of 0-10 what would you rate your pain?"
"Zero."
Cue dirty look from the nurse. I'm sure it sounded stupid. Why, yes, I'm two weeks away from my due date, I'm not feeling any pain yet, but here I am thinking I'm in labor. So I quickly added, "But the contractions are four minutes apart, I generally have fast deliveries, like under 3 hours, and I've never made it to a due date. This is my fourth pregnancy." I don't know what the nurse thought of me, but at least she decided to take us to a room and check me out, instead of just sending us packing. When she checked me I was dilated to a four. I was relieved. The nurse gave me a gown, and asked me if I was planning on having an epidural.
"Yes."
Wait, a minute? Yes? But don't you usually have your babies naturally? Yes. So far I've had three natural child births. They were great, and I know that by having those natural births I learned a lot about myself, and how to have my mind be in control of my body. I had some amazing spiritual experiences during the natural births that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. But, having gone through those births, I know that you have to be mentally prepared, because it really is like a giant mental wrestling match, and if you can't get on top of it, you'll lose to the pain in your body every time. I'd had a rougher pregnancy than I'd expected. I'd spent the last five days having one anxiety attack after another. I hadn't been sleeping. I was in no way, shape, or form, in the position to win a lengthy mental wrestling match. I was already losing it before my contractions had even started. And since I don't believe that epidurals are evil, and since I also believe that Heavenly Father granted mankind the blessing of discovering and improving upon modern medicine, and since I personally know at least a hundred wonderful women who care about their children's well-being and who are good conscientious mothers that have also chosen epidurals, I made a decision that this time the epidural was going to be my choice. And it ended up being a huge blessing, and I feel grateful that I had the opportunity to put aside some of my previous fears concerning epidurals (and what other people would think about my having one) and to make a very clear, conscious, and what I feel was an unbiased choice to have one this go around.
The nurse told me that they were pretty busy tonight, and that she needed to put an IV in my arm and drip one bag of saline through it before the anesthesiologist could give me the epidural. So to get changed and she'd be back in a minute. I changed and climbed into the bed. The contractions started to get steadily more painful. The nurse came in and put in the IV, and said the anesthesiologist was putting in another epidural and would be in when he was done. She asked if I had any questions. I asked her if she could please explain the epidural to me, as I'd never had one before. In my mind I was thinking, she'll tell me how they put it in, what to expect while that happens, how it works, how long it lasts, what it does to my body, etc. But instead she said, "Well, he'll give you the epidural, and then you won't be able to feel your contractions." That was it. I don't know if I gave her a stupid look or not, I tried not to. But I wanted to say, "Oh really? Because I just got deported from Mars yesterday and have never heard of an epidural before." But I didn't because I try really hard not to be a jerk to the people who are working on me medically. I feel like they get enough grief from ornery, demanding, pregnant women, and if I don't have to be one of those, I'd rather not be. Besides, she was a good nurse, and really nice about other things, I just felt like her explanation could have been slightly more helpful.
It was ok though, because shortly after that Dr. Anderson came in to check on me. I love Dr. Anderson, he is so great. He's probably around 65 years old, white hair, and thick white mustache. He is extremely personable, and really good at putting people at their ease. He also takes time to answer questions thoroughly and with a sense of humor. You can tell he enjoys his job, and I appreciate that. I also appreciate that he lets me be in charge of all the decisions regarding the birth of my baby. At my first appointment he told me that his philosophy is that pregnancy is not an illness, and that he doesn't treat it like one. He told me I was in the driver's seat, and he was just their to catch. He'd make suggestions along the way, which I should feel free to take or leave at my own discretion. I've never worked with anyone in the medical profession like him, and I hope that if I have any more babies he's still around. Anyways, Dr. Anderson came to check on me, and asked me if I had any questions. So I asked him if he could explain the epidural to me. He told me that the anesthesiologist would come in and have me sit with my legs hanging off the side of the bed and lean forward. Then he would insert the epidural needle to insert the medicine. The medicine has two different kinds, one that is numbing and one that is pain blocking, which run continuously the whole time labor is going. They don't give you enough numbing to make you completely numb, because they want to you to be able to feel yourself pushing. He said in the old days, they used to give women spinals and it would block everything from the waist down, but that with the spinal women had trouble pushing the baby out because they couldn't feel anything, and ended up having c-sections. So this is what they do now and it works much, much better. He said the pain medicine would also circulate continually, and most of the time that is all people need, but occasionally some people can still feel pain, so they give them a little button that they can push to get a little "booster" of the pain blocking part of the medicine. Cool. That was more like what I wanted to know. I thanked Dr. Anderson, and he said he'd be close by, that he'd wait for the epidural to get started, and then he'd come back in and break my water and get things rolling. He said judging by the way my other labors had gone that things should go rather quickly.
So we waited. My IV drained quickly. Contractions started getting painful and longer, to the point where Aaron and I need to go through relaxation exercises. A nurse came in and asked us all sorts of questions that go along with the admission process. She checked my progress, I was dilated to a seven. She told me I was a very controlled laborer and that she was surprised I wasn't complaining about the pain. I started to get worried that things were going to progress too far and they wouldn't let me get the epidural. Because usually when I'm at a seven things move pretty quickly.
Since I was nervous, and Aaron was a little nervous too I think, Aaron offered to give me a blessing. I've never had a blessing during labor before...there's never really been time. But I was so grateful to have one this time around. It was a beautiful blessing. I was promised that the Lord was aware of me, that he knew I was there and what I was going through. I was told that Oliver was healthy, that the doctors and staff would be able to perform their jobs to the best of their ability, and that I could be calm and at peace.
Right after, the anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself. He was also super nice and personable, which I appreciated. I've heard lots of horror stories about anesthesiologists. He asked me if I had any questions. I asked, "Does it work?" He laughed (in a nice way) and said it better work. It's my job to make it work. Then he explained the whole process again. I sat up on the bed, and Aaron stood in front of me, and I relaxed my shoulders and leaned my head over onto Aaron's shoulder. The anesthesiologist explained everything he was doing right before he did it, so that I wouldn't be surprised by a cold feeling or a poke. I appreciated that. Getting the epidural did not hurt at all, which surprised me. At one point, he told me there would be a zinging feeling, and there was, and it was kind of intense, like electricity running down my right leg, and it did make my leg jump a little, it didn't hurt though, but it was a really different sensation and it made me jump a little bit. Somewhere in there, Aaron's face turned green, and luckily the nurse noticed before he passed out, and made him go sit down on the couch. He said it was so weird, because he doesn't usually get queasy, and that he hadn't even been thinking about the epidural, or looking at it being given. In a few minutes he was able to get up and come back over by me. And then it was done. I layed back on the bed and felt my legs going numb. It was so weird/cool. Like being at the dentist, only bigger.
The anesthesiologist left the room, and came back in about five minutes and asked how things were going. I said I didn't know, and turned and asked the nurse if I'd had a contraction yet. She said I'd had three. My response: "Awesome!" with a huge sigh of relief. The anesthesiologist laughed again and said, "Well that's a good enough answer for me. Let me know if you need anything, or if you start feeling a lot of pain."
Once I knew the epidural was working, it was incredible. It was like nine months of stress and anxiety and worry that had been weighing down on my shoulders for so long was lifted right off. I was calm and smiling, and even laughing. I had no idea how heavy and weighed down I'd been, until suddenly I wasn't any more. I can't speak for Aaron, but from my perspective he seemed relieved as well. He's been working double-time for the last nine months trying to make up for all the things I haven't been feeling up to doing, with the kids and around the house, not mention his job and his church calling, and I think he was exhausted from it all. And I think both of us were just really relieved that we were going to be able to do this labor and delivery without a lot of physical or mental strain. Instead of doing relaxation and breathing exercises, we planned out how the rest of the week was going to go for us. Who was going to take Ivan to preschool? Should we try to get the kids to Friday Fun or bag it? Which days would we have help coming down, and which days should Aaron take off work, etc. It was nice to feel like we were a team with a plan. :)
Another cool thing about the epidural was that for the first time ever, I was able to look around the room while in labor. Usually, I'm so focused on myself and what my body is doing, that I don't even open my eyes. But this time I got to watch everything that was going on. I had no idea that a team of nurses came in and prepped the room before delivery. It was cool to see the equipment that they used, and to be able to ask them what certain things were for. I am kind of amazed at how many behind-the-scenes people are involved in the birth of a baby. And I feel really grateful for them and the things that they did to make things go smoothly. I never even knew to be grateful for them before.
I labored a couple of hours. I had passed up my "record" for longest labor shortly after being admitted to the hospital. But I'm really not concerned about having a fast labor, except as it pertains to my ability to get to a hospital. And since I was already at the hospital, the length of time it was taking to deliver this baby wasn't an issue. I as just glad we were there, that Aaron's dad was watching our kids, and that we weren't having a baby on the freeway. When I was fully dilated to a 10 Dr. Anderson came in and broke my water. He showed me a thing that looked exactly like a crochet hook, and explained that they use this to break my water because they don't want to poke the baby in the head, so they go in next to the water bag and gently pull it with the hook until it pops. He also offered to give me the crochet hook when he was done, because, he said, he didn't crochet. His sense of humor is funny. It reminds me of Aaron's a little bit, the way he says his jokes with a straight face but with a little twinkle in his eye.
Dr. Anderson asked what the longest I'd ever pushed before was. I told him 10 minutes. He said to have the nurse call him when I felt like pushing, which shouldn't be too far away. It wasn't. About 20 minutes. It was such an interesting feeling. Usually when I start to feel like pushing, I lose all mental control over my body, and pain is the only thing I remember until the baby comes out. But this time I could feel the pressure, but no pain, and that made it a completely different situation. Dr. Anderson came back in, and showed me how he had a little remote that controlled the over head lighting in the room, all he had to do was click the spot where he wanted the light to be shining, and it would shine there. Then he explained that he was going to do his best to make sure I didn't tear. He took out some KY jelly and rubbed it around on the top of the baby's head to make him nice and slippery. Then he told me to take a deep breath and let it out, and then another deep breath but to hold it in and push. I was able to do this. I've never been able to follow directions during pushing before, because I wasn't in control. But this time, I felt very much in control. I could sit up and push, and I could stop when he told me to stop. I pushed one time and the head and shoulders came out. Dr. Anderson said to give a half push to get everything else out. And that was that. Six hours of labor, one and a half pushes and it was over. Oliver was here! It was 12:55am on February 27th. And the amazing part to me, was that I got to watch the whole thing. I mean, I couldn't see him coming out, of course, but I got to watch Dr. Anderson catch him and put him in a little football hold and look him over. It was so eye opening to be aware of what was going on all around me. It was just amazing.
Then they immediately put him on my stomach. And immediately I fell in love with this little red, screaming ball with the fuzzy head. What a little miracle. He was screaming mad and flailing his arms and legs around all over the place, and melting my heart. My beautiful, beautiful baby was here. He stayed right on my stomach and I got to have a front row seat as the nurse wiped him off with a towel, and suctioned out his mouth and nose, and while Dr. Anderson cut the umbilical cord. Actually, Dr. Anderson had Aaron cut the umbilical cord. :) Aaron wasn't going to do it. He cut Lincoln's, but decided it was kind of gross, and not really that special, so he didn't do the other kids. But he didn't turn Dr. Anderson down. Then they took the baby over to clean him off a little better and weigh and measure him. And I was able to watch it all, and ask questions about what they were doing.
I also got to watch the placenta come out. I've never done that before either. Dr. Anderson held it up to show me, because I kept saying I'd never seen one. It looks like a slimy red chicken skin that you would use to hold a brain in or something. It was shaped like an empty pouch, which I guess it what it was. I thought it was so cool. If I'd had a camera, I would have taken a picture, but Aaron had the camera and was taking pictures of Oliver, and that was better. I did end up having to have stitches, despite our best efforts. Oliver just came out too fast. It was a second degree tear. Ouch! Except that I couldn't feel it. I got all stitched up, just in time to hear the nurses say that Oliver weighed 7 pounds 7 ounces, and was 18.5 inches long. Same weight as Lincoln and an inch shorter than all my other kids, was my first thought. My second thought was that I was glad he'd come two week early, or he'd have been a monster.
Then they handed me my baby for some skin to skin time. Once I had a really clear view of his face I thought, "He looks just like Ivan did!" Oliver latched right on and we cuddled for a long time. I love those first moment of getting to know each other. It's more like getting re-acquainted, than it is meeting for the first time. And the feeling like this new little person has always been apart of you. I love it! Aaron got in some snuggle time too, and of course we took a million pictures.
We decided to name him Oliver Michael Swan. We've know his first name would be Oliver for a long time. We like Oliver because it means peaceful. And the name sounds like it belongs with the names of our other kids. He fits right in. We hadn't previously decided on a middle name. Aaron really liked Scott, and I really liked Jack. Both were family names from my side of the family. Aaron didn't really like Jack, and I didn't really like Scott. I couple of nights before I went into labor, I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and while I was up the name Oliver Michael popped into my head. Michael is Aaron's middle name. The name seemed to flow well, and felt good. But I thought that maybe if we named Oliver after Aaron, and Lincoln was already named after Aaron, that Ivan might feel bad some day that he wasn't named after Aaron. So I never mentioned the name to Aaron. So we were sitting in the hospital trying to decide on a middle name, and Aaron suggested, what about Michael? I ended up telling him about my thoughts from the other night. We decided that Ivan wouldn't care, because we'd put a lot of thought into
his name as well. And we both felt good about the name Oliver Michael. So that was that. Little Ollie officially became Oliver Michael Swan.
The hospital was really busy that night, and they didn't have the office staff to spare to switch us rooms right away. We got to keep Oliver with us for a good three hours before they came to get him for his bath. And I was A-okay with that. I'd always worried that recovery with an epidural would be awful, but it wasn't bad at all. I mean, I couldn't have jumped right up and walked myself to the bathroom, but it didn't bother me at all. In fact, I was so busy loving my new baby, that I didn't really even think about it. As the numbness wore off gradually, I'd lift my knees up to show Aaron my progress, and it was kind of a funny joke between us. By the time they came to get Oliver, I was able to get up and use the bathroom by myself, a little shaky, but I was able to do it. They still didn't switch us rooms right away, not until about 6am.
Oliver had a few visitors during our stay. My Aunt Lani (my Dad's sister, whom I haven't seen in probably 10 years) called me out of the blue to say she was in town visiting my Uncle Lee (Dad's brother) at a hospital in Salt Lake, and was driving back to CO and had to pass Springville on the way home, and was I home and could she stop by and see me. I told her, that actually, I'd just had a baby and was in the hospital in Payson, but she was welcome to come visit us. So she did, and was Oliver's first visitor.
Later Wednesday, Chuck brought my kids to see their baby brother. They were very excited to see him and hold him and had about a million questions including the awkward ones like how did he come out of my stomach and how was I going to feed him. They got to hold him and examine his fingers and toes. They were a lot better behaved than I remember Lincoln and Ivan being when they came to see Adelia at the hospital. But even so, a half hour was about as much as they could do, and then they had to leave. In the evening my mom came down (she couldn't come earlier because she was baby-sitting Tanya's and Jackson's kids). She stayed for about an hour and then went to my house to stay with my kids.
Thursday morning, Dr. Anderson came to see me bright and early at 8am and gave me the ok to check out and go home. We had to wait for Oliver to get his circumcision, but not for very long. The pediatrician was all done with him really quickly. We dressed Oliver in his going home outfit (a Batman onsie, because I thought my older boys would get a kick out of it, and they did). I'm always amazed how their newborn sized clothes drown them right at first. He looked kind of like an Ompa Lumpa in his jacket. But I know he'll have out grown them all too soon. Then we cleaned up around the room and packed up our stuff. And at 11am we were walking out the door. Yes, walking. They let me walk to the car, first time ever. :) Quickest check out ever! I like Mountain View Hospital, they know how to get things done.
I was headed home with my handsome husband and my new baby. It was a beautiful day. And life is good.
